While I was pregnant, I was so consumed in preparing for giving birth, stressing about money/unemployment/moving that I didn't even want to think about what I would do once the baby actually arrived. I had picked up Dr. Sears' "The Baby Book" and thought I had everything I needed. Everything I read in The Baby Book seemed just fine and in line with how I wanted to parent.
No one had mentioned or recommended any other books at all, so I was flying blindly once Jackson actually came!
This is probably because I was very resistant to any mention of the impending sleep deprivation as I perceived these comments as pessimistic. (I still do!) I knew it was likely what my future held, but I didn't want to think about it. No one had offered any tips at all until after I dared to complain to the internet about how tired I was.
After the recommendations started coming, I sent David all over Plano going to the different libraries with a long list of books to pick up for me. I soon realized that EVERYONE has an opinion about parenting, and they range the gamut from extreme attachment parenting, to crying it out and everywhere in between. Everyone has an opinion on co-sleeping, self-soothing, baby wearing, rocking your baby to sleep, demand feeding, parent-directed feeding, scheduled feeding, swings, etc. And these are only BABY ISSUES!
So the confusion began. I really wanted one book to just tell me how to get my baby to sleep better! Where is my book of solutions?! Which book is RIGHT? Which book is WRONG? I wanted a step-by-step, day-by-day, what-to-do-in-this-situation kind of book that had all the answers that pertained to MY child. A book that allowed me to do all the things with my child that I wanted, and avoid all the things that I would never dream of using for my child.
No such book exists. At least not for me!
After at least a month of reading several books, many of which repeated many of the same tactics for getting babies to sleep better, I finally decided that:
- It is a WONDERFUL idea to read books for educational purposes.
- I can't follow everyone's advice at once. (As much as I'd like to.)
- It is MY child, so I will do what I feel MY child needs at this time in their life, and what I'm comfortable with.
- I will try ideas that appeal to me, and keep what works, and forget what doesn't!
- If I do all that I can to make my baby comfortable and happy, he will sleep longer stretches when he is ready to!
Now, lest you think that I've given up and resigned myself to sleepless nights, I haven't! We have come a long way and although I am still very tired and have to drag myself out of bed every morning, things have changed SO much since we brought Jackson home from the hospital.
At about 10 days old, Jackson "woke up" and realized he was hurting! For about two weeks, we tried everything for hours at a time to calm down our SCREAMING baby. I was lucky to get ONE three-hour stretch out of him at night, while he woke every one or two hours the rest of the night. Not to mention that it took him 30+ minutes to eat. I didn't get a lot of sleep.
Then we discovered that he has reflux AND a milk protein sensitivity.
He is a totally different baby now. He still fusses and cries on occasion, but he coos and laughs and lays happily looking around. And his cries do not communicate pain. Actually, he doesn't even usually cry to get my attention, he just squawks. If I ignore his squawks long enough, he will get to a full-blown cry. His wailing from pain early on was so hard on me emotionally... It is so hard to see your baby in pain.
Considering where we came from, I am more than grateful for the nights when Jackson only wakes up 3 times. At least I'm able to get in a couple of full REM cycles in every night, even if I'm waking up in between them.
I went through a phase where I felt like it was my fault that he doesn't sleep well, and that I was doing something wrong because my NEWBORN doesn't sleep longer than 4 hours at a time. He is gradually able to sleep longer, and as he matures it will continue to get better. I am happy, my baby is happy, and that is all that matters!
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